Merry Christmas

I'm feeling much better and I'm very grateful that I don't have to go in for my next treatment for another week. Can't ask for much more than that this Christmas!

Henry is with his dad tonight and will be home tomorrow for Christmas. I am really looking forward to spending Christmas with him and my family and friends.

I hope you all have a great day no matter what you do.

Merry Christmas and much love!

Chemo Crash

I hate chemo crash...I'm exhausted.

I did really well on Thursday I even went and did a little shopping. Then I started to crash on Friday, I can't even really tell you what I've done the past couple of days. I really hate this time after the chemo, because I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep and I'm agitated (I think that's from the steroids). I've been going to sleep, but waking up shortly after and tossing and turning through the night. I'd like to take a nap during the day, but I don't seem to be able to go to sleep then either. So I just try to lie down and at least relax for a while. Today I did every bit of organizing I could do sitting in bed watching a movie.

I know this won't last long and I'll be on the upswing again soon, but this just really sucks this time and I felt the need to share.

I'm so glad to be done with this end of my chemo and to feel like I'm on the down side of my treatments. I have twelve more to go, but I really think it will go by much faster, as it will be once a week. Plus I've been told by so many people these next rounds will be easier than the first...I'm counting on this!

Thanks for being here and listening...

Last round of A/C...YEA!!!

I completed my four rounds of Adriamycin/Cytoxan today. It's a little bit of a milestone (ok, it's a big milestone) and I'm so glad to be done with it. The A/C is the stronger of the chemotherapy drugs I get, with more side effects, so I'm glad this part is just about over. It's only been a few hours , the only side effect that's kicked in is my aversion to water (it's a quick one). I'll tackle the rest of them as they com along over the next week or so.

I will start my Taxol and Herceptin on January 2nd. I will be getting those two drugs once a week for twelve weeks. I should hopefully be done with that by the end of March, at least that's the goal.

The chemo process seems to get shorter and easier each time, I hope that continues as I move on to the next phase. I adore the nurses, both in the lab and up in the chemo unit, they know exactly what I need (extra lidocaine, sensitive skin dressing and the drugs given over a longer period of time). I know I could never do what they do, because of the needles, but I wish I could just to give the comfort they provide.

I'm actually feeling pretty good today. My white cell count is at a completely reasonable number (4900), plus I'm all pumped up on steroids. I could live without the steroids, I hate the way they make me feel, but Dr. Ellis tells me it really helps the anti nausea medicine and I tend to believe her since I haven't had any. I'm thrilled about the white cell count, given my low of 500 a couple weeks ago, I hope to not have that happen again.

I am starting to feel a little tired, but not horribly. Mom and I went and had soup after treatment and saw a bunch of friends walking around Edmonds. You know, it's really nice to hear, "You look really great, you had treatment today?!?" It's especially nice since my eyelashes and brows have started falling out...I can still get mascara on them!

While we were in Edmonds we met (finally) Cathy Nilon who has recently written a children's book about chemotherapy called "Chemo Cat". http://www.chemocat.com/ We got the book in a very round about way (we live in a very small town) and I have been wanting to meet her. She saw me walking down the street and stopped to talk to me, having no idea who I was. We had a great talk, I hope to be able to spend more time talking to her.

It's taken me a couple hours to write this...my concentration is failing me as I become more tired. It must be time for bed.

I hope all is well with all of you!

Much love, K

Thanksgiving

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.

Mine was not as I had planned. We had planned to go to our friend's for a Thai dinner. Henry was with his dad and my sister and her family usually come over on Friday so we planned our traditional Thanksgiving for tomorrow.

I woke up feeling awful this morning. I had been in to see the doctor yesterday to have my white blood count done and it had gone all the way down to 500! My normal, non-chemo, is 5000 and it had been down to 1650, but 500 is extremely low.

I called in to the doctor today, and told him how I was feeling and he prescribed antibiotics again. However, he also told me that if I had a fever at all or was feeling really bad that I needed to call again. I'm a terrible patient...but I've not felt this bad for such a long time I didn't think it was a good idea to take any chances given my low blood count...so in I went to the hospital. I was given IV fluids and more antibiotics and a shot of Neupogen to boost my white cells. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my Thanksgiving at all, but I am really grateful they were there. I am so grateful for everyone of my doctors and nurses, they are truly wonderful.

I'm still not feeling very good, but I'm home and I happy for that. I even more happy that Henry came home this evening instead of tomorrow, I feel better when he's here.

So even though my day was not as planned or what I wanted to do at all, I'm still grateful for the day and for all of you.

Much love to all of you!

Number three done

Round three of chemo was on Wednesday. Mom and Shari went with me this time, it was nice to have both of them there for company.

Chemo went about an hour faster than usual. The nurses thought I was just there for a shot of Nulasta to boost my white cell count, so I got called in a lot earlier than normal and they started the meds a little sooner. All in all it was pretty uneventful...I guess I'm just getting used to the routine.

I felt pretty good on Thursday and Friday, except for the terrible taste in my mouth. The drugs seem to kick in after a couple days and make me really tired. I feel like I've hardly left the couch today! I feel like a slug.

My sister, Shari, had her annual "Check Your Boobies" party last night. It was a really good and very informative time. Check Your Boobies was started by a friend of hers who was diagnosed with breast cancer at a young age as well, it's a great organization, please check it out.

http://www.checkyourboobies.org/

I'm sorry I don't have all that much to say...I really just wanted to check in and let you all know I'm doing ok.

Take care of yourselves!!!!!

Just a little update

I wanted to thank everyone again for being here and for all your kind words and support.

The last couple of weeks have been a little rough. The side effects, although minimal in number, have packed a punch. Last week I had insomnia, this week I have the painful side effect of heartburn. Happily the insomnia passed after a couple nights of literally no sleep. Unhappily, the heartburn is taking a little more work, I tired all the usual over the counter remedies and have now gone on to a prescription, I'm hoping it works soon. In the last day I've developed a very strange tingling feeling in my nose, my oncologist tells me this is a side effect of one of the drugs, who would have thought!

I had to go in to see my oncologist today and have my blood work done, because I had a fever last night. Something I never would have considered calling a doctor about before... My white blood cell count had gone down from 6900 last week to 1650 today, not a really good sign. She put me on an antibiotic to try to get whatever it is that might be causing this. If that doesn't work, next week when I go in for my next session they will give me something else to help with my white counts. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for better white counts...I've got enough drugs in me.

My hair is completely gone now. I couldn't stand the little prickly/patchy amount that was left so my mom shaved it off for me yesterday. That wasn't something I ever thought I would say...I shaved my head...yikes! I swear it's still a new experience every time I look in the mirror, even though I've been essentially bald for a few weeks now. I miss my hair more now that it's getting cold, it kept my neck warm. I suppose it's a good thing I don't mind wearing turtlenecks.

That's about it for now. Much love to you all!!!!

Second round down

Yesterday was very similar to my first round; it took less time since they didn't have to go over everything with me this time.

We got to the hospital around 10:30 for blood work, and then saw Dr. Ellis to check in with her and see how everything was going. I told her all of my side effect has stopped and that my hair had pretty much fallen out. She said my hair fell out right on schedule. My white counts were fine, so we went upstairs to check in at chemo.

They had a hard time getting my port in again which is stressful for me because I just don't like the idea of the needles. They had to do it twice again. I learned that some of the nurses are specifically there for accessing the ports, I will ask for one of them next time.

I asked for a window, because I thought it would be really nice to be able to see outside, but it was cold and gloomy so it made the room cold too. I ended up with my sweats, my jacket and three blankets on! I fell asleep, which was good.

We came home and I crashed on the couch for a couple of hours, then watched a little TV and went to bed around 11:00 and slept until 11:00 this morning! I felt pretty good today. Mom and I ran a couple of errands and had some lunch. I even went for a good walk. The day after chemo seems to be pretty good, maybe it's the steroids, and maybe it's that the drugs haven't kicked in yet. Either way, I'm glad I felt good today.

I want to thank all of you again for being here for me and for all of your wonderful thoughts and words, having all of you for support means everything to me.

Hair went bye bye

Well, I thought I would have a few more days with my hair, but it wasn't to be.

On Saturday in the shower as my hair was literally jumping off my head I made the decision that it was time to have it shaved off. I knew there was just no way I was going to be able to take another shower like that and see yet another huge pile of hair.

We called Cian who does my hair, I didn't want anyone else to cut my hair. I didn't watch her cutting my hair off, I couldn't. I did cry, but not nearly as much as I thought I might. She did a great job, I have a very patchy buzz cut now. My hair is still jumping off my head, but it's not nearly as traumatic seeing the little hairs.

My mom said I was very brave, I'm not so sure about that. I suppose on some level it was my way of trying to take back some control over a situation I really have no control over at all.
It's very different, it's going to take some getting used to. I think Henry is doing better with it than I am. I'm surprised when I look in the mirror or see my shadow. He looks at me exactly the same way he did before. I'm very proud of him, he's such a sensitive soul.

I thought I'd be really brave and show you all my new haircut...


My next round of chemotherapy is the day after tomorrow. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Hair vs. Chemo

Turns out Chemo wins...I started loosing my hair on Monday.

My head started hurting and itching late last week, and got worse over the weekend. It feels like I have a sunburn and I've had my hair in a ponytail too long.

On Monday while I was washing my hair I got two hands full. I knew it was coming, but there was really no way to actually prepare for it. I can't imagine how you could possibly prepare for it.

My hair has been coming out in larger amounts every day. Today it looked like someone had shaved a cat in the shower when I was done! There is hair everywhere... I can tell my hair is much thinner, Henry told me I have some bald spots on top of my head, but unless you look really closely you still can't tell I'm loosing any, I had so much to start with.

This is me on Tuesday and again today...



I think I'll have my hair for a few more days and then it will be time to shave it off...

So far so good

It's been a week since my first chemo therapy session...I'm doing pretty well I think. Other than being pretty tired and a having a really sore throat, I haven't had any major side effects.

I actually felt good on Thursday, the day after chemo. I think this was probably because my system was so full of steroids along with all the other drugs. Mom and I went on an outing to try on wigs :) I'm not completely convinced I'm a wig wearer, but at the same time it might be nice to have every once in a while. Plus it was just fun to see the different wigs.

Both Friday and Saturday were very tired days for me. On Friday we went to see my friends at my office. It was so nice to get to see everyone -- I miss them! On Saturday I went to our last Edmond's Summer Market for a short time. Even though I was expecting to be tired after chemo, I am surprised by just how tired I get.

The best part of the weekend was that Henry was at home. He stays pretty close when I'm napping and makes sure I'm warm enough. It's very sweet.

Food started tasting pretty strange on Thursday and nothing really sounded very good. The thing I am most surprised by is just how horrible water tastes. Water tastes awful! Soup has been the thing I've been able to eat the most. My good friends Meena and Jonny made yummy rice soup for me on Saturday. Cold things like melon, popsicles and sherbet have been good too. They feel good on my sore throat.

The past couple of days are a bit of a blur... I am starting to feel much more like myself though. I took myself for a walk yesterday and I'm even getting my appetite back!!

Today I went to see Dr. Ellis, my oncologist, for my follow-up. I had blood drawn so my white cells could be checked. They are just fine. I think my Dr. was actually surprised by my lack of side effects. I'm just happy about it!

My first Chemo

My day started off completely normal -- I took Henry to school and got myself a cup of coffee. But instead of heading off to work Mom and I headed once again to the hospital....this time for Chemotherapy.

I started by giving blood to check my white cell counts and then saw my oncologist for about a half hour. We mostly discussed the side effects of chemo and all the drugs they're going to give me to help lessen the effects.

I then went up to the chemotherapy suite. Prior to going in I was given an anti-nausea drug called Emend. My nurse's name today was Linda and she was really great. She explained every step to me as she did it. She gave me another pill called Ativan. It's a sedative that is used in chemo to help prevent nausea and vomiting.

I had put numbing cream on my portacath site prior to leaving the house, but I still had feeling so Linda gave me a shot to numb it further. Next Linda put the IV into my port. I didn't like this so much, lots of pressure. Unfortunately she had to do it twice because it didn't go in the first time...yuck!

She then gave me Aloxi, another drug to prevent nausea and then Decadron, a steroid to help stabilize the anti-nausea drugs and make them more potent.

Then on to the Chemo drugs. First the Adriamicyn, the pink cool aid. I thought it was pretty interesting that they put this in manually with a syringe rather than through a bag on the IV drip. After that came the Cytoxan. Usually it is infused in about a half hour, but she did mine over an hour because it causes headaches, so doing it over an hour was an attempt to prevent the headache I felt coming on.

Finally I was done...I was at the hospital from 10:30 to 3:45! I'm sure it will take less time in the future, since a lot of yesterday was getting me acclimated to what was going on.

I was really tired by the time it was all finished...you can tell from the photos below.



The anti-nausea drugs seemed to work pretty darn well. I only got a little queasy for a short time. I fell asleep on the couch sometime between 8 and 9. Mom got me up and helped me into bed a little after 10. I got a good night's sleep and woke up feeling pretty rested.

On to the next step...

If you are here, you know the past few months have not exactly been as I had planned. I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (Breast Cancer) on July 13, 2007 and had a lumpectomy on September 5, 2007. I've healed from my surgery and I will be starting my chemotherapy tomorrow (October 3, 2007) morning.

It may sound so very strange, but I'm actually looking forward to starting chemo tomorrow. Ok maybe not so much looking forward to the chemo, but looking forward to getting it started so I can get finished. I will be having AC (Adriamycin/Cytoxan) infusions once every three weeks (21 days) for four sessions. Those will end on December 5th. After that I will be getting Taxol + Herceptin once a week for 12 weeks. Grand total, 24 weeks or 6 months however you choose to look at it.

Thank you all for being here and for all you kind thoughts and words over the past few months they have meant the world to me.

I will do my best to keep you all posted.

Much Love, K

Soulumination

On August 14th Henry, Mom and I went to have our friend Lynette take some pictures of us. I've been meaning to find the time to go have pictures of Henry and I taken and this seemed like a really good time.

Lynette is a wonderful photographer and person. She created a foundation called Soulumination to help families through life and loss and asked me if I would be willing to be included. The answer was, yes of course.

Please see our pictures in the Gallery on the Soulumination website.

http://www.soulumination.org/

My Haircut

On August 23rd, I got my hair cut and donated 13 inches of hair to Locks of Love. I am very proud of doing this and very honored that my hair will be used for some little girl who needs it a lot more than I do right now.